By M. Kotch

Source: Flickr.com

It’s an all too common occurrence: Having to say goodbye to a parent long before it’s time.  A long illness or advancing age may be indicators, but they can never prepare us for the inevitable: the young grow old and eventually die. However, knowing that death is a part of life and going through it are two different things. Sharing the grief after your loss may be a good place to start, especially when you know that many who’ve lost a parent face similar emotions and experience some of the following circumstances.

•    Just because you knew it was coming, does not make it any less sudden. Losing a beloved parent leaves an empty space and a resounding realization that, regardless of what stage you are in your life, you are now the adult. This shock—of no longer being the child—can leave the best of us shaky and uncertain of the future.

•    You may find yourself in a complicated financial situation. This can be for a variety of reasons: you were named executor of the estate (with the added responsibility of dividing assets among disgruntled relatives or business partners), trying to maneuver estate taxes in 2010 or dealing with a parent’s debt. Note: a relative’s debt is NOT your legal responsibility unless the loan/credit card was in your name and you co-signed related documents. For more information read this article.

•    How to handle newly inherited property. It happens all the time: grown children inherit the house they grew up in, even though none of them live near home anymore. The good news is there are professionals that are very familiar with this type of situation. Selling a home and distributing the assets among heirs is quite common. In fact a qualified realtor can offer specific advice on how to deal with inherited property.

•    Heirlooms, what to do with them?  Going through a parent’s possessions can be heart wrenching because the experience is so emotionally charged. Move at your own pace and divide all items into categories: carefully store family heirlooms, sell valuables that are worth something, donate items that could use a happy home (such as old books to a school or library) and throw away unimportant items.

•    This could be the first time you’ve dealt with a death or funeral arrangements. Whether it’s deciding on a type of burial, realizing the exorbitant prices associated with paying for a funeral or finding out that your parent’s pre-paid funeral does not actually cover all expenses, the shock can be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that there are many options out there, from green burials to home funerals to cremation.

•    You may have left a lot of things unsaid. Don’t lament what could have been, what you should have said or what either of you should not have said. Trust in the knowledge that your parent probably knew what was in your heart.

Remember that everyone’s grieving process is unique; don’t place a time-limit on yourself or expect life to “get back to normal” at a pace that isn’t your own.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 17th, 2010 at 5:47 pm and is filed under Family & Friends. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.