How to Write a Eulogy
By M. Kotch
Even under the most typical of circumstances, many of us are daunted by the prospect of public speaking. And while eulogizing someone involves speaking in front of others, it is important to remember that you are speaking to other mourners who share in your pain. In essence, reading a eulogy is far more intimate because of a group or congregation’s shared emotions.
As you approach writing the “perfect” eulogy, realize that there is no such thing. Each eulogy is unique and does not have to follow an established set of rules. Let the words reflect that person’s life and your relationship with him or her.
How to write a eulogy
If you need help getting started, here are some tips on how to write a eulogy:
• Start by sitting at your computer or with a pen and paper, which ever is easiest for you
• Keep the language simple and clear
• Begin by introducing yourself and describing how you came to know the deceased. Involve details about when and where you came into each other’s lives
• Include a brief biography of the loved one’s life (where he/she was from, triumphs, greatest happiness)
• Don’t hide your feelings. It’s all right if you cry or show anger— these emotions are commonly associated with the grieving process
• Highlight an anecdote that—you feel—best describes the deceased
• Don’t be afraid to write something humorous. Sharing a funny story and encouraging laughter is not disrespectful (and it may offer more solace than you think)
• Describe what you loved and admired most about the person you are eulogizing
• Share your grief by expressing your love for the departed and how much he/she will be missed. Simply saying the words may help you begin the process of healing
• Revise what you’ve written
• Read the eulogy out loud and make adjustments if certain phrases are awkward or particular words too hard to say
• The final copy of the eulogy should be typed (or written) in a large, clear font; pages/note cards should be clearly numbered and plenty of space left between sections so you can easily find your place
• Feel free to include a favorite photo, video, song or poem (even while you are speaking)
• While there is no single rule that applies to how long a eulogy should be, it is a good idea to keep your speech between five and ten minutes long. Time yourself during a practice read-through to ensure that you are comfortable when it’s your turn to speak.
• Pace yourself. Most of us tend to speak quickly when we’re nervous. Take a deep breath or sip of water to calm yourself down, then proceed slowly
