By Emily S. Gerson

When somebody you care about dies, “feeling sad” takes on a new dimension. In 1969, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross wrote a book called “On Death and Dying,” which introduced the idea that humans go through five distinct stages of grief after a tragic event. These stages are especially common when a person is diagnosed with a terminal illness or loses a loved one.

In 2007, Yale University conducted research to test Kübler-Ross’s theory, and found that it was very consistent for some people, but inconsistent for others. Kübler-Ross herself admitted that the stages don’t always happen in the same order for everyone, and not everyone experiences all five. They also happen in a different timetable for everybody. However, everyone will experience at least two of them, she claimed. And that we experience these stages as a coping mechanism, as they allow us to deal with a loss or progressive disease over time.

The five stages of grief as defined by Kübler-Ross are:

1. 1) Denial. You think that this can’t really be happening to you or insist that you are coping just fine.
2. 2) Anger. You begin thinking, “Why me?” and “This isn’t fair!”
3. 3) Bargaining. You want to bargain for something better, usually with a higher power, with thoughts like, “I’ll do anything to live another year” or “I’ll be a better person if…”
4. 4) Depression. You become extremely sad, do not care about anything and view that things will not get better.
5. 5) Acceptance. In this final phase, you begin to accept the reality of the loss and realize things are going to be OK. You also begin looking toward the future.

What can you do to help make the grieving process a little less painful?

• * – Continue to take good care of yourself. This means eat well, exercise, and don’t drink excessively or use drugs to numb the pain.

• * – Do not isolate yourself; instead, surround yourself with support from friends and family members.

• * – Consider joining a support group or talking with a psychotherapist. You may want to also look for support from your religious organization.

• * – Express your feelings by writing in a journal or creating scrapbooks.

• * – Don’t deny or try to hide your feelings; accept that they are natural after a major loss.

• * – Take your time getting through the grieving process. Do not rush yourself or get mad at yourself for “taking too long” to get over it.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 26th, 2009 at 2:49 pm and is filed under Support. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.