The Role of Ritual Around Death and Burial
The Role of Ritual Around Death and Burial
In every culture, there are certain universal practices, including some form of marriage and rituals surrounding death and burial. The fact that all societies have built rituals around these events demonstrates the key role they play in everyday life. Marriage celebrations recognize the importance of pair-bonding and the critical role the formation of families plays in the continuance of the society. Death and burial rituals, on the other hand, generally express belief in another kind of continuance: the transition of the departed’s spirit into an afterlife.
But, for anyone suffering through the loss of a loved one, rituals around death and burial are important for reasons more related to the here-and-now than the hereafter. They provide an opportunity to get the comfort and support you need from family and friends.
Traditional Mourning Rituals
People in traditional societies understood the need for intense and consistent support following the loss of a family member, so they created rituals designed to supply that comfort. For instance, both Jewish and Islamic traditions include a seven-day period of vigil after burial, during which friends and family gather constantly around the departed’s family. Here is a description of “Sitting Shiva,” the Jewish tradition of vigil. It comes from the Jewish Agency for Israel’s education project, http://www.jafi.org.il/education/worldwide/.
“Shiva, which begins immediately after burial, is Jewish tradition’s way of guiding mourners to cope with their anguish and return to their lives. The mourners do not wallow alone in their grief but spend time surrounded by friends, family and fellow mourners. The mourners do not leave the ‘mourning house’ the entire week, and with friends and acquaintances visiting constantly, generally they are not left alone for more than a moment. Shiva is seven days long, seven being symbolic of the number of days of creation.”
Getting Comfort Through More Modern Rituals
Today’s wake—which usually constitutes just one or two days of formalized mourning—is the modern, abbreviated version of Shiva; it is an opportunity to surround yourself with friends and family whose sole purpose is to offer you solace and support in your time of need. For that reason, most bereavement counselors advise against leaving a wake—or an equivalent opportunity for mourning—out of your funeral planning. In fact, many experts suggest that you do what you can to extend the mourning period. You can do this in a number of ways, including:
- Hosting – a memorial dinner after a wake
- Planning – a memorial service to take place some time after a wake and funeral
- Marking – anniversaries of death (for example, one month or one year) with gatherings of friends and family.
The important thing is to use the period of formalized grieving, during wakes and funerals, as a time to find the comfort and support you need to begin the process of building a new life.
