Getting the Support You Need from Family and Friends

When you’re grieving, you need the support of loved ones first to survive the overwhelming trauma to your system. Then, once you’ve survived the initial assault to your life, you need friends and family to help you deal with your loss and create a life without the person you’ve lost.

The horrible truth of grief is that, just when the initial shock of loss is wearing off—when the true impact of what has happened is setting in—the rest of the world has gone back to “real life.” Suddenly, you’re left alone to deal with the cruel and unbelievable reality that is now your life. So how do you get the support you need to make it across to the other side of this huge chasm in your life?

Use Your Words

Most parents have employed the phrase “Use your words” to prompt our young children to communicate their needs. That phrase is good advice for anyone who needs the support of family and friends to navigate through a period of grieving. As clearly and openly as you can, tell your friends and family that you need them.

Don’t be afraid to express your grief openly. As most bereavement experts will tell you, it is by sharing your grief outside yourself that you will begin the healing process. Remember that ignoring your grief won’t make it go away; talking about it from your heart—not just your head—will help you bring feelings out into the open, where you’ll be able to see them more clearly.

And remember to let the people you love know that you appreciate their willingness to take on the difficult task of helping you through your grief work.

Here are some ways of asking for the support you need:

“I’m really glad I have you to talk to about this. It’s not easy to find someone who really understands.”

“I know this is hard and you’ve got a lot in your life right now, but I really need to talk to someone as understanding as you.”

“We’ve always been there for one another, and now I need you more than ever.”

Support Without Judgment

When thinking about whom to ask for the support you need, turn to friends and family members who will listen without judging. It’s important to share your grief with people who will let you fully express your grief. Comments like “you have to carry on,” or “you should try to be happy,” or “you’re young, you’ll marry again,” should be viewed as red flags that these people aren’t prepared to deal with your open expressions of grief. Look elsewhere for the support you need.

When You Can’t Find the Support You Need

Sometimes, you suffer a loss at a time when no one close to you is prepared to help you deal with your grief. When that happens, consider turning to a grief support group for help. Read our article, Finding the Support You Need in a Bereavement Group, for advice on getting the help you need from a support group.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 13th, 2006 at 5:01 pm and is filed under Family & Friends. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.