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Loss of spouse: another night

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  1. #1
     
    Hello All,
    Not sure what to say just know its pass two in the morning and i can't sleep like usual...
    It is 5 months for me and everyday is still so hard...How on earth we this get better..
    Nights are so bad it gives me way to much time to think....I am very thankful for all the wonderful people i have meant here...so many of them give me hope..I just don't know how to get there....Sorry for all of are losses....I would also like to thank the person who start this site if it had not been for the people i have meant here not sure I would have made it this far...or even still care to keep going....So from the bottom of my heart thank you...
    take care all with all my love cecilia
  2. #2
    • Ro27
    • Jul 30th 2010
     
    Hi Cecilialomeli-

    Same feeling here. It has been 6 months on the 20 of July. we were married 50 years. I have my house up for sale - and I inquired about volunteering at one of the local hospitals. Trying to take little steps at a time. I only have one picture out of my husband and at night i put it down in my room, Everytime I look at it I just start to cry. Sometimes I just can't believe he is dead. My children are good to me but they have their own lives with working, etc. We all have to find our own way, if we do. I am scared of what I don't know. I took care of him for 18 plus months - who will take care of me.

    Take care.
  3. #3
     
    Cecilla, i am glad to hear from you, i was worried about you i read your posts eariler on, and you always seem to help me. It has now been 6 and a half months since i lost my husband, i am so sorry you and Ro27 both have to go thur this all so. If i remember right you have young children, how are they doing, Like Ro27 says i think we are all scared of the future without them, if love could have keep them breathing we would still be with them. I do find some comfort in knowing they are still living in sprit and they will always live in our hearts but oh how i want him back, and the life we had. Thinking of you both. Pam
  4. #4
     
    Pam , Thank you so much....I do Not write on the forum alot but everynight come to chat...It helps a bit....Someday are okisk and some are very hard....and for the children its the...ups and downs.....thank you both so much... I'm trying to find what i am supposed to do now...Together we will get thru another day.....
    bless us all take care cecilia
  5. #5
     
    Cecilia you are doing the best you can you are a great mother and grandmother your Carlos would be so proud of you. We all have trouble sleeping because thats when our minds make us remember what we have lost you are a great friend, one I could not do without. Just remember there are a lot of people who love you, you will never be alone on this horrible road of grief I will always be beside you, not only me but all the people who's hearts you have touched. As you told me so many times we must stop counting the months that we lost our soul mates but remember all the wonderful years we had. I know we wanted more but that was not a decision we could make it was all in God's hands. That hurts so much just remember you are not alone.

    Your friend Linda
  6. #6
     
    HI Everyone, Here I am at 16 months and it is getting worse. I can't understand how it can ever get better. I am so lonely without Jack and less and less contact with the outside world. The kids come over occasionally but they have their own lives. This is just too sad and too hard. I keep wondering if there is something wrong with me that it is almost a year and a half and I have no interest in anything and miss Jack more than ever. The loneliness never stops even when I do go out with friends I feel like I am on the verge of tears. This is just too hard. I am trying. Please some of you who are at the same stage as I am, please post and let me know if you are having more trouble with the second year. I am trying so hard but I am sadder than ever.
    So sorry to all of you for your losses. I kind of stopped posting because I had nothing positive to say and I am trying. I do shower, go out, and take care of my own house but my heart is so broken, I don't think this ever gets better, and I sure am not interested in another guy.
    Take care all, Jean
  7. #7
     
    Jean it willl take time and time is different for everyone .. I know at my almost 6 months I am so sad .. I dont know how to do anything but think of him he was my life and I pray so much that God will make it seem like only a few moments since he left this earth
    to me in time

    Or that I can join him .. I know a lot of people think this is an awful wish but he was my life .. I love the Lord too and want to be where there are no more tears and no more of this terrible sadness

    I just appreciate all who have helped and been there thru the hard times
    Love
    Sara
  8. #8
     
    Here it is another sad day I just want to feel normal again but, how can I when every time I close my eyes I see my beloved Doug laying in bed with his eyes open and he's gone. Next all I picture is him laying on the floor with the tube still in his mouth where the paramedics tried to bring him back. Last night at 4 am i'm still awake trying to remember all the wonderful times we had in our 43 years together but I just can't get those last images out of my head. I don't have this every night sometimes I can be asleep by 1 am but not last night I believe in God with all my heart but I just wish I knew why he took my Doug when I needed him so much. I have a handicapped son and Doug would be with him so I could go out at night for a coffee with friends but now it's just me and Kory and I could never leave him to go out at night it just would not be right. So here I sit very tired but trying to keep busy if only to turn my brain off. How many times do we ask the question why why why? My brain knows he is no longer in pain even though he did a great job hiding it from me but when his weight got to 120 LBS I knew he was very sick, but the night before he died he promised me he would never leave me that our love was to strong, he did not know that God had other plans for him. Sorry if I'm rambling I just feel so tired and alone today. Thanks for this site for letting me say what I'm feeling I know I will have some good days but today is just not one of them.
    Linda
  9. #9
     
    Linda sweetie hang in there....We will get thru this some how...some way.....
    with all my love cecilia
  10. #10
     
    Just got back from my grandson's baptism. At 13 months I thought I was doing OK but this was really rough. I cried through the whole baptism, then left the church right after it and walked home because I couldn't stand to sit there and listen to the sermon and take communion. I know it bothered my daughter to see me so upset but I just couldn't handle it. It hurts so much on these happy occasions when I miss him so much. he should have been there with us. Then I had a 4 1/2 hour drive home by myself and once again came back to an empty house. I really thought I was adjusting until today. Hopefully I can get back on steadier ground tomorrow.
    Linda
  11. #11
     
    Hi Linda, You are to be congratulated for making the effort to be there for your grandson's baptism. It shows inner strength, courage devotion and love. Rich would have been there spiritually and he must be so very proud of you. I am proud of you, over 4 hours drive in that state of mind couldn't have been easy. You got home safely, you did it and you did it.. alone. So be proud of your achievements, it's another positive step forward for you.So smile, be happy reward yourself for doing it, perhaps bring something 'new' to the physically empty house,perhaps a new windchime, bell or a new painting, get something that you'd like, just for you which will always remind you of this brave huge effort. This may help lift the spirit of the empty house to a new level.
    You are worthy of love Linda, so feel the love which is always there, just for you.
    Wishing you joy and happiness,
    With Love,
    Fauziah.

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