Hi Jean,

Since you asked. In all honesty, I dont post much because i feel very awkward about talking so much about 7 deaths. I hate to admit it be even here i feel kind of like an outsider at times. Sometimes i want to post but worry that what im thinking might not be right or im afraid no one will be able to relate. What i mean by that is the multiple death thing in a short period of time. I have noticed that the few people that have been through this dont stay here long and im very curious why.

I do realize that most people can relate but with so many deaths its just hard for me. I know most of it is what i think and what i think may not always be right.

Sometimes I just want to take a break from posting because i just need it. and sometimes i feel what i have to say may not be important to anyone but me.

When im here i feel i can relate to people and they can relate to me, but when I am alone in my world working through this I feel alone. Sometimes when i get here i dont quite make the transition into being here very well because i have spent the day being around people who really cant relate to me nor do they care to.

Im sure this is way more than you bargained for when you were asking but I answered and i was honest. I also suspect part of it is that it is hard for grieving people to help grieving people at times as we all know how hard this is to travel through.

Take Care,

Firefly

HI Jean, I am here, and will continue to come here.
I have shared this site with many in the same situation.
As you see, I post, I read, and I get alot from other posts.
Susie

I HAVE BEEN GOING ON THE CHAT LINE - DURING THE DAY - I FEEL I KEEP SAYING THE SAME THING ON FORUM AND PEOPLE ARE GETTING TIRED OF HEARING ME COMPLAIN --- I MISS PAT SO MUCH - THERE IS NOTHING MORE I CAN SAY -- I A HURT - I AM SAD - AND I AM ALONE - AFTER 43 YEARS AND GOING ON 44 - WHAT MORE CAN I SAY ---- THIS FEELING WILL NEVER LEAVE ME AS ALONG I AM ALIVE --- I NEVER EXPECTED IT - AS ANY OF US - NOT SICK AND NOW LOOK AND HIM GONE - AND I MISS AND LOVE HIM MORE EVERY SINGLE DAY. BEST TO ALL LOVE ELLIE XXXXX

Dear Jean,
Just to let you know I will be thinking of you today, I know it's so hard to deal with these "special" days that once brought us joy but now bring nothing but sorrow.
I wish you peace and strength today,
LindaG

Hi Jean, Ive been posting daily for around15 months, I think I never missed a day apart from my trip down south to see my parents which was for about 4 or 5 days. The last month for the first time, I just cant seem to get it together to come on as I did. I have a lot of stuff going on and cant see it changing till maybe August, this other stuff has made me revisit emotions I thought Id worked through, its made me feel weak and like I have to fight again, its made me isolate myself again. We all know on here how outside influences and just daily life and people can affect our feelings and seem to get somehow caught up with our grief, to me things have got a little mixed again and I need to sort through. I dont feel I am thinking clearly enough or that I can give the support I did or want to as well as Id like, so am just trying to deal with this as it comes. Hope this has made sense, I know I havent and dont intend to leave, the Otrib family here is one that has brought me so much and helped me toward a place of peace regarding Henry. I hope to be able to continue to give back and I also hope each of you know you are in my thoughts daily. Wishing you love and strength, Meg.x.

My thank you to all of you for posting. I still need to read these posts to help me get through my grief even at 14 months. May God bless you all. Jean

Hi Jean, I don't post much either, but I do come and read often. Sometimes I just don't know how to put things into words and it makes me frustrated to try.
The past few weeks I have been quite good and seemed to have come out of the really bad emotional stress I felt during the three months around Leon's anniversary. But tonight it has come back again in full force and I've been struggling so I've come back here. I can't say what triggered it, perhaps it was that my Father in Law died last week and we had the funeral on Wednesday. I was fortunate to spend the afternoon with him the day before he died. He died on a Friday, same as Leon.
Perhaps it was my daughter telling me that she and her boyfriend will be moving out and buying their own house in a next couple of months.(They are away tonight so I'm on my own). I just feel that it's all too hard again.
My counsellor is away for six weeks so I haven't really had a chance to let it all out.
Thank you for listening. We are at the same point. I guess we've made it through 14 months and we're still here.
Barb, eight months isn't long in grief terms and I'm so sorry about your mum, Leon had cancer in his liver and bones so I know what you are facing.
Love to all, I'll try to post more and when I'm feeling good as well.
Love Cricket

Hi Jean ... I read daily but am having difficulty posting recently what I truly feel .... at five months. Every day is a struggle to come to terms with what so unexpectedly happened but I keep going ……

Also I have been trying to keep up with the stressful and overwhelming task of never ending paperwork made worse by bureaucracy. A world of death certificate, forms and more forms etc, but I do read every day as I still do need this site …..

Thank you Jean .... and I know what you mean about this different ‘normal new’ life. It will take time …. Don’t put any pressure on yourself Jean …

At 5 months for me it is a lonely and sad life. I believe it will take a long, long time to get used to it after being married for so long … well for me anyways and I sometimes wonder if I ever will. I tell myself …. can’t turn around 30 years in just 5 months.

So I do understand what you're going through

Take care .........

Jean and Cal

I know this pain it is almost five months for me and there are days i dont know if i will make it thru the day and ask for anything to ease the pain i feel tossed and turned by every one around me who wants to help there are only a few but it is on thier time table and thier way ..

and if i have to i suppose i would do what i have to do but I want to be right here right now if i can possibly do it where TErry died and where i feel closest to him


and he felt i would be safe and secure

love
Sara

I think of everyone here but sometimes it is hard to long in .. I am grieving pretty hard over terrry and almost six months at times it seems like back to the begininng I miss him so much .. My little dog is barely hanging in there but he is stil with me . .I miss Terry so much every day I see no reason to be here as of yet without him .. I sob a lot
I have done some things tried to do a few things but the joy is not there in my life anymore
God has given me a peace in some sense when i get overwhelmed but no joy

I cant imagine going thru the rest of my life this way . I feel I could use a companion maile or female not sexual in any manner but just someone to share life with and my apt with but i dont see that as I dont have very many friends etc....

we were loners

Love
sara

Hi Rita

I just wanted to say, good for you for trying to stay living,I also found it helped to try and do something just for me,sometimes it worked and others it didn't,It is just over 2 years since my husband left with his angels,it was the worst time of my life.I also have come a long way thanks to folks here, family and friends BUT! at the end of the day the only person who can change our lives is us.
I t will never be the same just a different life as we knew,stay well and be so proud of you.
sending you some sun and moonbeams from AUSTRALIA.

DIAMOND

Hi everyone- I feel the same about posting-I rather talk to someone on the telephone and discuss my feelings Make a friend - or friends. It has been almost 7 months for me and I still can't believe he is dead. 50 years together. I have never done things by myself - always with him. I typed enough when I was working on the computer and would rather talk on the phone which I know is not possible with everyone scattered all over and the cost. I have free calling in the united states which is good for me. Who knows where we all live - it would be nice if someone lived in the same towns around where we reside. Its not easy making new friends, but only we know what it is like to have lost someone. I hope time heals but I don't thing life will ever be the same, we just have to adjust somehow. Take care everyone.

The point is that you are expressing your feelings and letting some of it out so you can beter understand yourself and help yourself through your unique journey.

I have posted on here and have had no replys just keep coming here read and continue writing.

One thing you should keep in mind and has been helpful for me is that the fact is everyone here is in a different stage of grief. it is my belief that depending on what stage your in you may or may not be able to relate to what someone has written a thread about. I also believe that some people may not be ready to hear what is being said by each person however eventually at one point or another. we all eventually will get to that step.

I have been grieving for 7 years and have learned many many things from people who are just begining their journey of grief.

Machel, dont give up on this site, dont give up on yourself and remeber to be patient with yourself and your feelings. Give yourself a chance, and give your grief a chance.

I also find sometimes that some has written a thread and im not ready to relate to that yet. or not ready to face the particular subject they may be speaking about.

Everytime you type a thread here you are not only helping yourself, you are helping other people to understand what they may not be ready to face yet.

I am guessing there are many many people who come here to read only because they are not ready to speak or feel their grief.

I know im rambling here its been a long day and im tired but think about it. I know i have been able to relate to many threads i have not replied to because it was something new for me to learn that i was not quite ready to acknowlege.

Take care,

Firefly

Machel,

There are people in this world who have lost a pet and have been just as traumatized as if they had lost a person close to them. A loss is a loss. if it matters to you then thats all that matters. we all suffer the same symptoms at one time or another. Anyone who suggests something different is in a stage of grief where they are hurting so much they cant yet see past the pain of their own grief yet. I went through that and still go through that at times. Your loss is valid Like anyone elses loss here.

I have learned a lot in my journey of grief. one of the big things i have learned is its not quantity that matters but quality. I would much rather have one response forme someone who geuinly could realte than 100 responses from people who could not relate.

I post back and fourth to a person who lost their father years ago and their loss is just as valid as my loss. I lost 7 people in a year and a half. I dont feel that my losses are more important than theirs and in ways their loss may be harder than mine. all i know is it is important for me to acknowledge the pain someone is feeling over their loss because we are all hurting the same. We are all drained, angry hurting,sad, wanting answers we will never get, and the list goes on and on. we are up one day and down the next, somtimes its hour by hour somtime minute by minute. Everyone wants to be heard and wants to relate to something or someone.

Dont give up just because you only got a few responses. your losses are just as important as anyone elses.

I also lost a sister. I raised her and feel much more like she was my child than my sister.

Keep coming her keep reading and for gosh sakes keep posting!


Take Care,

Firefly

Those of us who have lost a spouse may just gravitate to each other - for me not losing a sibling I dont feel I have words to help you - I agree with Regie/Firefly a loss is a loss - the stages of grief are many and come and go - back and forth - easier days than others - many not so easy days strung in a row - what ever the loss whom ever it is to us is real, important and so heart breaking - the relationships severed - seems we are drifting apart like leaves falling in the fall............(from a song I just cannot get out of my head).........not what we want at all.....not the plan we thought would be our lives

I have no other words this morning.........my heart goes out to you and all that come here.....keep writing/posting..........we answer when we can
Blue