I dont think it gets easier either, it changes though and I think this is where we either embrace or fall back. I dont accept that Henry has physically gone, obviously I know it and cannot deny it, will never agree with it though does that make sense? I think the grief is always there, its not going anywhere, but it changes into something manageable. Ive said this before and I do think its true, this is how we are able to continue in our lives. I think Diamond is right, making goals for yourself, keeping your dreams and not allowing yourself to lose your dreams along with your partner is a healthy and positive approach. When they pass, it is so easy and natural to see our whole life and future taken from us, when in reality it is still there. Learning to continue 'alone' and do the things we always wanted to do is a very difficult thing without the partner we made half/all these plans with by our side, but is something that will in turn enrich our lives and give us reason to smile again, it can be done with a new attitude, remembering we would want the same for them. Be easy on yourselves, none of us wanted this but we all do so well and have much to live and learn and even enjoy. Thinking of you all and as always wishing you love and strength, Meg.x.

I never got to say good bye either (Rich's death was totally unexpected) - but I don't think that would make this any easier to bear. But We have to learn how to deal with this new reality. I never wanted to live alone but since I have no choice I'm trying to learn how. I know Rich would want me to be happy again so I will somehow. I know I'll still have ups and downs for a long time but at age 56 I could live a long time yet and I want to be happy again. It won't be the future I dreamt of, but I will try and make it the best I can.
Linda

Hi Linda

You are great go girl and take some moon beams from me with you
Glad to see you on also Regie you doing ok??

Hi everyone, i think we all try in our own ways some days are better then bang i seem to get knocked back again, i do try and do things but for me it always comes back to being alone and he's gone. I have a picture of Dom on my bedside table and before i go to sleep every night i talk to him and kiss him good night, was talking about it at work and somebody told me that while i'm doing that i will never let go. i wanted to scream that them guess what i don't want to let go its all i have left, she still has her partner. My feeling is i will never get over it, hope one day i will learn to live with it. xxx

Some would say we have to 'let go' in order to heal, Ive also had it said to me. Well, 'letting go' didnt sit right with me, the idea of 'letting go' seemed useless to me like I was to forfeit (spelling) what I held dearest to me. My solution was to not listen and to allow myself to hold on, hold on tight, not in a negative or detromental way to myself, just in any way that made me smile, or feel comfort, or remember times and laugh or think of moments that reminded me how loved I am, how special we were/are. I held on in all the ways that felt good and brought that personal closeness back with Henry and I, the closeness I thought died when he passed over, but realise now it is mine to keep, its ours forever. Its our time, our bond our love our closeness our memories....some feel they have to 'let go', which is fine, some of us will be told that we must let go and feel pressured to do so. No-one can be told how to handle their grief and I dont think 'letting go' brings comfort, I knew it wouldnt for me anyway. What brings the most comfort to me is acknowledging and feeling that the spirit is eternal and though we cannot see our loved ones, they are here with us because though our paths are different now, they remain parralell to one another, we were supposed to be together and that's how it is eternally, just different. Hope I make sense, I dont know if Ive helped, to me being told to 'let go' or 'accept' are the two things that will never sit right because we are still in the physical world and I will never want to 'let go' and I will never actually 'accept' that I will never see or touch or hear Henry again in THIS lifetime. Re-learning to live, to live differently, to carry him with me, these things sound and are possible given time and the right support. Keeping you all in my thoughts and sending love and strength, Meg.x.

Hi Cricket, that pretty much says it all, it is hard but we have to sift through the good, bad and ugly to find what it is that works for us. We take our own time and must find our own way but we do need to find a way to live again and as you say find meaning and happiness. Thinking of you, Meg.x.

Hi everyone, i will never let go of Dominic i will love him and need him for the rest of my life, i do agree its a hard learning to live with out him. I feel at peace at the minute have done for the last few days trying not to make to much of it just go with it, because usually what happens is i go down hill after so trying not to think about it. Peace and strenght to you all x

Have been trying to get myself together, last time i was here was at peace then it all fell apart all i've done is my best to get through each day, go to work come home and sit alone its all i seem to do, didn't even want to come on otrib and have been checking into this site for about 18months without this site don't know where i would be, trying to pick myself up, Rooney x

It is very hard at times. I've heard it called "grief work" and for good reason. Sometimes we just have to take a little R&R like soldiers on the battleground and go back and fight again. We must see something better for ourselves or hope for something better or we wouldn't fight so hard. Hang in there, girl.---Gloria

finding someone new is no-ones choice but our own, we will do it or not do it. Still find it amusing (for lack of a better word) how others act like we need to be 'fixed up', I feel less need to be with someone than more. No, they dont understand, this is what it always comes back to. Wishing you all love, Meg.x.

Hello Jean,
I understand what you are saying. My mother died when I was 10 years old, my father was 49. He was the best father in the whole world, loving and kind ,he raised me with a little help from my 3 maiden aunts. There was never another woman in his life but at the time I was to young to question why. Many years later I asked him that very question. By that time I think I already knew the answer. He said he had had the very best, no one could ever take my mothers place, no one ever did.
I have a feeling I will follow in my fathers footsteps, I can't say I remember how he grieved for my mother in the early years, I was too young. What I do remember was the peaceful, loving, kind and most of all contented man he continued to be for the rest of his life. I long to find that contentment within, he still gives me hope. I have read everything I can on grief over the last 5 months, that process has helped me to understand that the feelings we share are "normal" however, that in itself doesn't heal the sorrow. Now I read all I can on enlightenment, I hope this will take me forward, I want to make it on my own, heal myself, no one can do that for me, reading and learning really helps me to get through, some days, better than others now. My hope is to find that inner peace which is elusive at present. I know that is the key.
I am still in love with my husband, I miss him every hour of every day. Yesterday was my birthday, the first without him for as long back as I can remember, it hurt. I read and re read old birthday cards he'd sent with love over the years,his familiar handwriting looked so fresh as if they had been written that very day, the love, the sentiments, so obvious in those cards really managed to carry me through the day, that same night they tore me apart.
LindaG

LINDAG, Happy belated birthday. I had my first birthday, without Nick, this past June. I kept the cards he gave me. He was always so proud that he picked out just the right card. He would spend alot of time picking it out. And he did a great job!
Marry again? Probably not. No desire to start all over again.
I am taking this time to spend more time with my friends and family.
No plans for the 4th, but thats OK. I will find something to do.
Your friend in sorrow, Susie

LindaG .... sorry this is late .... every good wish to you on your birthday

Hi to all of you, The 4th was always one of my husband's favorite holidays. Our local college at the end of the street put on a huge firework's display and people would come from miles around to see them. Our street was flooded with cars and we would all put our lawn chairs out there and watch the fireworks. Jack would like to cook out and we would have all the kids over and some neighbors and of course blow off fireworks while we were watching the real ones. Just another day to most people but to us every holiday is a reminder of what we don't have. I even have 6 grandchildren and 2 grown children and they don't even begin to fill the void. I can't stand this loneliness and I wish I could be with Jack. The thought of living like this for maybe another 25 years scares me. I have two prayers though, that as long as I have to live and live alone, please let me remain healthy (other than the usual arthritis and aging) and please let me have a wonderful dream about him that I remember. Prayers to all of you in these most difficult of days.

Good for you, Linda. That's how it's done---accepting challenges however small or big they may be. Persevere, girl, persevere. ha!---Gloria

"One tiny step forward for me" .... Linda(Bookworm) I think that was a huge step from where I'm standing at 5 months ...

Well done and keep moving those feet girl. I hope to eventually get to where you are one day .....

Hi Rooney
That would have been so nice being out doors,with nature and the river
heh girl you made a special night just for you.
yep we are always alone physically but not in spirit our guys are always watching over us thats why I behave ( chuckle) there will be more days and nights like that for us all,good on you girl.

Take care hugs from diamond

Having one of those times.......

There is never any shame in missing someone Meg.I think it would be a shame if we ever forget which can never happen ..right? I miss you here and I am sure others do too. You don't have to write in simply for others you could just write in for you, if it makes your day better. as you are often fond of saying "It is never expected but trully appreciated"
Let it flow is the motto (smile)
With Love,
Fauziah.

Hi everyone, sounds like we are all in the same depressed boat. Wish the dock was at least 5 minutes with our loved ones who have gone on ahead. All I want to do is look into those baby blue eyes and see them smile at me and hug him hard for 4 minutes. I told that to my parish priest and he said "just wait til you get there and you will have eternity with him". I wonder since the Bible says there will be no husband and wife in heaven. How could he do that when God is Love? I miss Meg's insightful wisdom, but she is human just like the rest of us. I have had 2 bad days missing my man. After 33 yrs. of married life, sleeping alone is not cutting it, but I will never get another one, like you we have all had THE best men in the world. Grandkids can't take the place of one you shared so much with. Tried very hard to get my daughter to say she loved me, couldn't look me in the eye and say it. I know how she feels about me and I hate it but it's her problem not mine. even her 2 & 4 yr.olds noticed!! Love to all, Dar

It's good to hear from you on here Dar, Im sorry I dont seem to have much to say these days. I never saw it as insightful, just feelings and trying to work through. I am feeling ok in regard to Henry, sometimes absolutely NOT, but mostly I get it and know he's with me. My life now and the impact is what I struggle with, I know to continue with small steps forward, never back. I know he will help me every step and I know our love is forever...I know and feel enough of this to feel I can make it. Henry remains my Superman!
Rooney, Its hard travelling or walking any of the same roads or paths, near doctors or hospitals or pharmacies we were regular at. I know I dont blame the hospital, that must make it even harder, but its still no good. Glad your appointment is over with, get through the next weeks and know my thoughts are with you, you will be ok. Sending you much love, Meg.x.

Hi, it doesn't get any better does it. So sorry rooney, 16 months for me since Jack died and it is just as tough as ever. I wish someone would tell me how to get better. I shower, dress, accept invitations, go with my kids, clean my house, do all my own things, other than paying for some man jobs, but it doesn't get easier. The pain just won't let up of losing Jack. So sorry rooney, will be thinking of you on August 4th. Jean

Fauziah, I read the passage and couldn't stop the tears i hope one day to be able to feel that, some times i feel i'm trying so hard and getting know where. Came through the anniversary and now all i see is another year to try and rebuild my life. I go to is grave every week and still it feels not real to me at times if that makes sense.
Meg hope your doing o.k x
Thinking of you all Rooney xx

Hello all, Meg, I feel the same way you do. Ed's birthday this year was very hard at night, but around 1 AM I could feel him lying in bed next to me, I "sunk" into his side. It was a great feeling and I didn't dare try to turn over. It always makes him leave!! If only we could have them come back for about 5 minutes a year. Just to hold them and look into their sweet faces, not to say anything just "BE". But maybe that would be worse than nothing at all. I know he helps his nephew who is renting my farm. He says when he has trouble he prays to God and Ed and things always work out for him or he finds the part that he dropped on the ground. My Ed was a sweet heart and loved to talk to anyone, know that he is talking to all your loved ones who have passed on and if they loved to play pitch, you can bet they are having one heck of a game up there. One night I dreamt that he was glowing and dressed in gold and red garments. No bald spots and no big tummy and he could get up from a kneeling position just like a 2 yr. old. Ahh, love is a great thing. I miss all my friends but summer has been screwy with my brother here after a 34 yr. absense. My father's health is failing and has to have repeat surgery on his left leg cuz of clogged blood vessels. Work starts next week also. gonna be good to make a pay check again. Love to All, Dar

Hi to Dar Regie and Rooney
I too would like that 5 minutes but as you said would never be enough,I know I am doing the best with my life,I have moved to Bribie near the water and the days are getting better,Rudy creeps in when I least expect but its ok I handle those times some sad some happy.
Wanted to tell you we had a garage sale as my son has all Rudy's tools, well strange thing he was sorting the tools and kept hearing foot steps in his home, his son and partner both sleeping well! after checking inside and out several times said to his dad ok so I know your here,put on a warm jacket he had off Rudy's and he said all was good, and my son felt very comfortable it made us both feel good knowing Rudy still watching over us.
Its warming up in sunny Queensland so sending you all a big hug sun and moonbeams
Diamond

I don't post often because the raw pain of others starting the journey of grief is to much, and I have worked hard emotionally to where I am, and its very easy to slip back hope you all understand.